Mazi,
My special aide in charge of separating good and bad immigrant groups, Stephen Miller, brought my attention to your group, the Biafrans of Nigeria. What I heard was unbelievable. He told me that you and your group have been supporting me all this while. I had no idea. Thank you. Believe me, I really appreciate it.
When I met Muhammadu Buhari, your lifeless president in the White House, I thought the whole country of Nigeria was just a hopeless shit hole country full of losers. True! Nigeria is a disgrace. So sad! Buhari is probably the worst president in Africa.
I did not know there were some very nice and classy people in the Eastern part of the country. I was literally knocked off my feet. I understand that you have bad Muslims in the North witch-hunting and squeezing your people. I heard that they want to squeeze you out of the creeks and mangroves of the Niger Delta into the Atlantic Ocean. Quite frankly, that behavior from them did not surprise me. That was why I banned them from coming to America.
The reason that I am in the White House is to fight tremendously for you. And as long as I am here, nothing will happen to your great people with your great genes. I won’t let those morons do further harm to you, like what happened in the past – which by the way, they just told me. If I have to roughen them up, I will do just that.
Ignore what the fake news people are saying that I do not care about Africa. It is all a hoax. When I win my second term in office, I will focus my attention to Africa. You can be sure that I will get the hands of those lightweight cow herders off your oil cookie box. The CIA told me that the oil is what they live off of. In their faces, I will tell them, you are fired.
I will separate your smart people from those primitive bunches all around you. Stephen told me that you once had your own country in the 60s. He said in just three years, your incredible men and women scientists performed some wonders. Amazing! Your people are the kind of people that I love. Terrific people!
I heard that your people withstood total blockade, designed plants to refine petrol, advanced Agricultural production with new seed management, and built weapons of mass destruction to defend your country. You guys are great guys. I like that. He said you fought against the British, the Egyptians, and the Russians and held them at bay for three years. Awesome! That is unprecedented. Only men like me with a very large brain can pull off stuff like that.
In my second term, I will visit Nigeria. I will undo what crooked Hilary Clinton and sneaky Barack Hussein Obama did to entangle your people more with those big losers. I ask you, what did that overrated Obama do for Nigeria? Other than force African men who used to be black and proud to become gays and sissies, what? The so-called black president did not even visit Nigeria. Total disaster!
Trust me, I will visit Nigeria. Unlike other presidents who just visit the capital, Abuja, go up north to visit one Emir and then Lagos, the financial capital, I will visit the museum in the south, where Stephen told you kept unbelievable inventions your people made during the Nigerian-Biafran war. You will agree with me that the visit will be huge. I understand that your hometown is where the museum is. Maybe you will travel with me in Air Force One and show me around. How about that? But first, we must win this re-election. We must not let them steal it.
I’m fascinated by the city in your region where more billionaires exist than all the billionaires in Nigeria. I think the town is called Nnewi. I will like to visit there too. Maybe I will build one of my tall, magnificent hotels, the world-renown Trump Tower, in the city. Believe me, we are going to make some wonderful things happen. I will bring in billions and billions of dollars.
I was very mad at Stephen for just letting me know about your good and smart people, the Biafrans. If I had known, I wouldn’t have let Tiffney, my daughter, to be going out with that Lebanese-Nigerian from Lagos. If I had known that some wealthy people were down in the Eastern part, I would have told her to venture further down. It is not late, anyway. I will make sure she comes with me when I visit. Who knows, she may meet one fine young man from that city of billionaires. I believe we can do a quid pro quo.
I am sorry, I need to stop here for now. I am heading out to campaign in Georgia. I heard you have a lot of your people in Atlanta. Please tell them to vote for me. Once I win, we will take care of your little problem with the very low-energy president in Abuja. I will drain the rigged swamp that is Abuja, and you will watch them perish like fishes out of water. I will take out so fast the illegals, who stroll in through the borders up North to join riffraff soldiers of Boko Haram and criminal herdsmen. I will build a wall and have Chad, Cameroon and Niger pay for it.
In fact, I will invite you to my second inauguration. You will visit the White House and meet my lovely wife, Melania. By the way, did you see how my favorite woman, Ivanka, introduced me at a rally yesterday? If you are lucky, you may get to meet her too when you visit the White House.
Looking forward to meeting with you and listening to the plans you have for the United States to help free your people from what my man, Stephen, called a deadly contraption called Nigeria. Once I win reelection, you will be tired of winning.
Yours truly,
Donald J. Trump,
The 45th President of the United States.
